March 3, 2010 at 9:05 am
· Filed under Blog
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the inequality of dating. Yeah. That’s right. You heard me. INEQUALITY. And it’s not like I’m going to wave a flag or burn my bra (my boobs are too big to go carefree), I just mean there’s some gender differences in regards to dating that really piss me off.
Now, tell me if I’m right here or just being neurotic, BUT it seems like guys my age (late 30’s almost 40) are looking to date hot, beautiful twenty-somethings. Guys in their 50’s are looking to date women my age. So that pisses me off a bit. Not that I wouldn’t want an older guy, but I sort of want to share a life with someone who’s the same age as me, so that when I make pop culture references to The Brady Bunch or The Electric Company of the 70’s that we both get it and feel connected. So that’s my first gripe.
My second gripe is that I feel this intense pressure to be hot. And not like pre-menopausal hot, I mean, I feel like to date anyone at all, it doesn’t matter if I’m smart or interesting or quirky. On the online websites, it’s all about appearance. The question men think when they look lat my picture is: Does she look like hot enough that she could be one of the gaggle of women on The Bachelor? And I wonder: Is my hair long and straight, nose thin, boobs enhanced and firm, skin pulled, teeth whitened. Am I a Mom Someone Would Like to (ahem)? I am not. I’m short. My hair gets frizzy. I have a big jaw and a defined nose. Big boobs, but they’re all natural, and even my son says he can see my wrinkles. But I am also very bright, dare I say witty, and a mean cook. And I’m not kidding when I say I can cook. I really mean it. But these qualities, they don’t matter.
Here’s the cold, mean truth: I’m not hot enough to get the attention of professional, successful guys. I AM hot enough to get the attention of high school educated, salt of the earth guys.
Not that there’s anything wrong with them…it’s just…I’m not the girl for a man who smokes, hunts, and swears and works in a factory. That sounds horrible, I know, and I don’t mean it to, it’s just I need someone who’s educated and likes different food and travel and reading and music and art. I’m generalizing here, but I think you get what I mean.
It seems like guys don’t have the pressure to be hot if they’re successful and have a job: they have the power in the dating realm to choose whomever they want. And whomever they want happens to be girls named Sera or Denver or Amber and are 22. Girls who are tall and thin and well endowed. Girls that when the men think about them, it’s not their brains they’re dreaming of.
Selfishly, I want a guy I’m attracted to too. Not just mentally, but physically. I feel horrible for saying that, but it’s the truth. So maybe my griping about all these men my age looking for plastic women is really envy. Not that I want a plastic man, I just want a man that I feel electricity with, and I want that to be accepted. All the men who seem to be interested in me sort of look like my dad.
Then again, maybe that’s the reality of dating men in their 40’s and 50’s. They all start to look like your dad. A little disturbing to get hot and bothered over that.
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n0mia said,
March 3, 2010 @ 9:27 am
This is all SO true! Even when I was a (fairly) “hot” twenty-something I never felt hot -enough-. I didn’t want a blue-collar guy; I wanted someone who would want to go to art galleries and plays and who liked the idea of a night at home without television–and I felt guilty about every bit of that.
In West Michigan single guys in their mid to late thirties seem to be either divorced and looking for flings or single for a damned good reason (can you say Peter Pan?). It’s nearly impossible to find a suitable date.
I wish you luck.
aloha.taboo said,
March 3, 2010 @ 10:15 am
I’ve been told that I’m not the norm, but I can say that even if there are a couple more guys out there like me, then you’re wrong. I turn 40 next month, and I’m not interested in 20-somethings. They’re just too…. too… YOUNG! Maybe if I looked like a rugged older male model I would be interested in a perfect looking partner, but the fact is, I’m not perfect looking. And I’m smart enough to know that most people aren’t. It’s the imperfections that make someone interesting!
So don’t settle! Keep your strong chin up & your knockers out!
Tim said,
March 3, 2010 @ 2:55 pm
You’re just coming across the wrong guys really, those plastic women are not attractive in the least. It’s like looking at a movie with bad special effects and knowing its fake. Just can’t get into it. Besides that you’re far more attractive than you give yourself credit for (inside and out). You’ve certainly got the kinds of qualities I find important.
Michelle aka grrlysquirrel said,
March 3, 2010 @ 5:01 pm
I know it seems as if guys your age are only looking for modelesque, Barbie types; but that’s not the kind of man you’d want anyway. There are educated guys in their late 30′s that would love to have you in their lives. They’re just harder to find than the other type of guy. Don’t give up, sweetie. In the meantime, be good to yourself.
k1973 said,
March 9, 2010 @ 12:25 pm
I’ve run into too. 36…guys hooking with 25ish year olds.
next week, my best friend is marrying a man who is 49 (she is 39). She said she really had to work to get past the complete gray hair aspect. I guess she did!
Dating sucks pure & simple. (imho) though I have gotten some pretty interesting tales out of it. But I’m breaking from it for awhile.
I know who I want. He just lives too far away & for him distance is a deal breaker…though I would move out of MI.
we should have a she-woman group for cocktails & dating tales story telling!