July 8, 2010 at 10:17 am
· Filed under Blog
It’s humid out. This is the kind of weather where I imagine what it would feel like to live in the currents of a giant’s hot, steamy breath—after consuming a gargantuan sandwich. In other words: it’s gross outside.
I think, truly, I must have some spiritual connection to the weather. On sunny, cool days I’m generally intelligent and well-adjusted. On sunny, hot days I’m a little hyper and I tend to expose my cleavage on a whim. On cold days, I’m cuddly and contemplative. Today, it being gross outside and all, I’m just plain moody.
If I played a role in Snow White and the Eight Dwarves I’d be…oh…Moody Dame. (Not quite a bitch, you see, just moody.) And when I’m moody, I obsess. Endlessly. Over everything in my life. Harrumph.
(I’m starting to annoy myself so I’m going to take a break and come back to this. Maybe I’ll have a story to tell and stop being so whiny.)
TAKE #2
This morning, I put on my yoga pants and looked at my legs and was faced with the horror that they looked, indeed, like sausage stuffed in a casing. Why? Why have I let myself get this way? And why am I eating peanut butter chocolate pie while I write this?
Peanut Butter Pie *droooool*
TAKE #3
Starting over again.
Recent stresses. My ex got married on July 3rd: three days after my 37th birthday, one day before the 4th of July. He picked up the kids after his 20 mile run and then Biff and I sat quietly in the house. I started to go insane. I called my sister and she invited us over. Sweet relief. So Biff and I travelled to Belding and then went down to the beach where my sis immediately hitched us a ride on a party pontoon boat. We spent the next five hours drinking, swimming, and laughing. I had to be home at 8PM to pick up the kids. P and his new wife were dropping them off so they could catch a flight to Hawaii for their honeymoon. (Need I say that my ex and I never went on a honeymoon? He said it was too expensive.)
It turned out to be a great day. Biff and I laughed. He rubbed my back in front of people. Kissed me. My sis and I were cracking each other up. And there was a little bell inside me ringing that my ex was now remarried. Why did it sadden me so when I don’t feel any emotion for him? Biff said maybe I’m jealous that he’s moved on. It isn’t that though. Really. I’m jealous because I want to be married and I want a honeymoon and I want a man who loves me and my kids, loves me so much he can’t fathom NOT being married to me. Then I look at Biff and categorize every comment he’s made about looking for work outside of Michigan, that there’s nothing keeping him here, how he’s not really looking for an apartment because he could end up anywhere, and I think hmmmm. How much does he feel for me? Am I just a convenience? And I think maybe it’s just a matter of time before he’s out the door.
My sis says there’s no way to know if someone is going to break your heart. You just have to enjoy your time with them. But how can you do that when you don’t trust them? My ex met a woman, fell in love with her, asked her to marry him. It was easy. And now they have that comfort of being a couple, of living a shared life. Me? I’m still hobbling along, legs of sausage.
TAKE #4
I remind myself that some people like sausage. Especially Germans. And, well, foodies.
Permalink
Marisa Birns said,
July 8, 2010 @ 10:32 am
One of my good friends dated a man for seven years! He told her that he was not the marrying kind, and she was okay with that for a while. When in year 7, she brought up her wish to get married and have children, he broke up with her.
Six months later, he met someone, fell in love and asked the woman to marry him.
I remember crying when I heard her say, “Well, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to get marry, he just didn’t want to get married to me.”
Your sister is correct. One never knows when the heart gets broken. Married or not.
Kimberly said,
July 8, 2010 @ 10:46 am
My ex remarried last year in June. The first report was that he and his love were having a destination wedding – a ten-day fun fest in Scotland with loved ones. I seethed. This is the man with whom I divided debt in divorce only to later find out he promptly declared bankruptcy the year following our split. As the date neared, however, my stepson informed me that they were going to Las Vegas instead. Oh. Well, that’s better. Perhaps a wedding in the desert at sunset? No, the stepson was sure that wasn’t the case because they were getting married by … Elvis. *giggle begins* And he found this amusing (NO!) because he used to call his Dad Elvis (news to me) but doesn’t anymore because of the hair loss. *stunned silence* Yeah, his Dad went to the doctor and had shots for the hair loss but only the spot on top started growing back and it grew in white. *tears of joy* The moral? Karma is a bitch, a lovely lovely bitch, even if she takes her sweet time. Hang in there!
Tweets that mention Hey Blunder Woman » That’s It! I’m Joining Weight Watchers, A Support Group & A Cult! -- Topsy.com said,
July 8, 2010 @ 10:46 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Simon C. Larter. Simon C. Larter said: RT @Blunder_Woman: That's it! I'm joining Weight Watchers, a support group, and a cult. I blog about why here: http://fb.me/EbD9sLtg [...]
k1973 said,
July 8, 2010 @ 4:30 pm
the power of now.
It’s what I’m trying to learn and enjoy. re: Biff – enjoy the now, do not worry about what MAY happen. deal with it IF it comes about.
re: ex….you’re prob sad cause it is a loss. Even if you don’t have feelings anymore. it’s a loss. & it’s ok to feel that way (feel the emotions – get it out of the way & move on!)
(wow – maybe I DID learn something in therapy – and maybe I should learn to listen to what I suggest to other people!)
re: sausage. my fingers are like sausages right now and make it difficult to type.
humidity = bloating for me.
ioejqio4eotuqirhguirqhipuguir
that is my fat sausage fingers just slamming keyboard trying to say “stay strong!”
n0mia said,
July 9, 2010 @ 5:13 am
Biff is fling material. He is even telling you this in his own way. Trust me- I’ve known him longer than you have.
The sooner you accept that things with him are what they are for only as long as he feels like it, the better. If you can’t be in that kind of relationship then don’t be in one.
It’s true that you can never tell when someone will break your heart, however, you absolutely -know- when you’re going to break your own.