July 26, 2010 at 11:39 am
· Filed under Blog
One of the problems with blogging about your personal life, is you’re…well…blogging about your personal life. Over the last year I felt like it was a really good thing. I felt really connected to other women (and men) going through a divorce and it gave such a great outlet for finding humor within the painful experience. It also gave me a way to write about real things instead of just imagined ones. I don’t know. It was liberating.
And I felt supported. Loved.
So maybe when I received a message from a friend today that my constant Facebook status updates and blogging are a cry for outside validation, it hurt because it’s partly true. I have been looking for it. For me though, the validation has come more through the process of writing through my own experiences and finding meaning within them. I didn’t really think I was looking for that from other people.
Then when I had trouble in my dating, I did the natural thing. I wrote about it. Was I looking for help and validation? Yes. Was that wrong? Maybe. I’m starting to think maybe it was. I’ve enjoyed sharing my life through words. Not because I want to be in a spotlight but because so many people have written to me and said “I feel the same way you do” or “life is hard but you somehow find a way to laugh through it”. And everyone in the publishing business has encouraged me to connect through the media, to use social networking sites because you’ll find new readers. You’ll get your work out there.
Now it’s out there. Today though, I’m not feeling too good about it. Are bloggers and people who tweet and do Facebook desperate? Do they need attention? Is there something wrong with them or is this a new way to connect with people and share life experiences and laugh through the suffering? I don’t know anymore. I don’t know a lot of things.
I know I work hard. I work to keep writing because I feel a deep need to create for whatever reason. I work to connect with people. I work to support my family. I’ve enjoyed my blog and tweets. Of going through the day and trying, every single day, to find the funny within it. I don’t always succeed, but most days I do.
I guess I need to think about this. Where’s the line between putting your work out there and being a writer, and when do you just come off as sounding desperate?
I’m sincerely grateful for all the support I’ve received. For anyone who reads my blog or my books or any of the work I put out there, thank you. It is validating. Writers write, and until their words are read, it doesn’t feel like the process is done. It’s like baking a cake. You mix everything but it’s not a cake until that baby is baked, cooled and frosted. THEN and only then can you eat it.
(I’m so close to saying “EAT ME” right now, but will refrain.)
I don’t know the answer to any of this. Do I NEED validation? Do I NEED input from others? And if I do, am I okay with that?
Part of me wants to stop writing, stop promoting. But you know…I tried that in my marriage and it nearly killed me. I disappeared for a long time. I don’t really want to disappear again.
So maybe that’s the truth. My truth is I write because it helps me connect with people and it helps me feel alive. And I’m not ashamed of wanting to share my work with people. If you don’t want to read it, you don’t have to. Many don’t. But if you do…it’s here. I’m here. And my words continue the way my life does: awkwardly, full of errors, and deeply, deeply human.
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aloha.taboo said,
July 26, 2010 @ 11:53 am
Keep using the various social media outlets. That’s your art. Artists need to create and have their creations seen and heard. Your work may come off sounding like a call for validation from some, but from others, like you wrote, it is seen as a validation on how they feel.
By helping yourself, you’re helping others, too!
Michelle said,
July 26, 2010 @ 11:57 am
When I read your blog I don’t think of you as a “Hey look at me! I need attention!” kind of person. You strike me as someone who’s trying to find the answers to life’s questions in a collaborative way. Writers like to share what’s inside them. That’s what you guys do. Although I’m not a published author, I like to use my blog to write and share what’s inside me. I haven’t felt as much like sharing as I have in the past, but when I can share something with someone and I know that they can identify with it, it makes me feel good. We are rapidly becoming a society that is more and more isolated from our fellow human beings. At work, an email is preferable to actual human interaction with the person that sits right next to you. You use your blog to feel a connection to others and maybe their comments do validate your feelings on certain subjects, but it’s not like you live and die by the blog, so to speak. Keep doing what feels natural and right to you. I enjoy reading your insights as a fellow 30-something lady with creative tendencies
.
lilianavonk said,
July 26, 2010 @ 12:09 pm
Everyone needs to feel a connection to other people–it’s human nature. Even folks such as myself who get most of their interpersonal interaction online rather than IRL (though I’m slowly working on re-establishing that) are seeking understanding, support and acceptance.
In addition to what I already tweeted you, I think that whoever said that this was a cry for validation maybe resents your success or perhaps even the simple fact that you’re honest and forthright enough to ask for your needs to be met in this manner. Again, I would definitely contemplate whether or not that individual is truly your “friend” as such, cos IMO, that was a pretty damned bitchy thing to say; consider the source, etc.
In any case, don’t apologize for being human, and definitely don’t feel compelled to deny who you truly are, especially not to simply prove one person wrong. {{hugs}}
Biff said,
July 26, 2010 @ 1:43 pm
ALL artists search for validation with their work. We look to others for their opinions, for their ideas and yes their admiration. Poets pine for validation from their jilted lovers. Filmmakers work for someone to be moved by their images. Painters yearn to show others how they see the world. Without this interaction, isn’t the process then just a waste of time?
They call it social networking for a reason. If this person does not like it they can become a hermit. It may suit their personality better.
P.S.
The logic of validation allows us to move between the two limits of dogmatism and skepticism.
Paul Ricoeur
Ginny said,
July 27, 2010 @ 6:52 am
Keep writing! I love it! And I agree with all the wise comments above.
( BTW, that cake looks DELICIOUS! )
admin said,
July 28, 2010 @ 4:59 am
Thanks everyone…for the validation. Hahahahaah!! Ahem. *clearing throat*. Of course, I’ll keep writing…but the person did make me question the line on what to share and what not to. I might pull back a little, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Stephen King has a quote that goes sorta like this (by no means verbatim). “Would I still write if I didn’t have readers? Of course. But it is so much more fun with you, Constant Reader, along for the ride.” That’s how I feel too. Except, probably not the Constant Reader part. I don’t think I’ve earned that level yet.
Oh! And I’m going tot ry to find a recipe for the picture of that cake. It looks so amazing, how can I not? Be well, everyone. And thanks as always for reading.
k1973 said,
July 28, 2010 @ 5:50 pm
I haven’t read the other people’s comments yet, but imho, everyone has a different way of expressing themselves. you seem to be through words. this is not desperation. You’re voicing your thoughts…to me, I would consider that therapeutic.
If YOU don’t mind others reading it & knowing, & relating….what is the problem?
perhaps that person who expressed thoughts to the contrary is more private – or something.
It’s all with what you all are comfortable with. screw everyone else.
can’t please everyone. if they don’t want to read it – then don’t. geesh.
and personally, I love reading your blogs. I find it refreshing to know there are others out there going through similar struggles, or to share a happy moment….
keep on keeping on (blogging), Ms. Thang. that my opinion…for what its worth.
now i’m going to read the others comments
Sasha Cat said,
July 29, 2010 @ 8:33 am
You already know what I think about this. I am quite bitchy, and I know bitchy when I see it – and that comment to you was not only bitchy, but also probably a bit jealous.